


Strange dream, that gives a dead man leave to think

by NoOneKnowsIWriteThis



Series: Loyal Son of Tain [5]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU where Garak is the head of the Obsidian Order and Dukat is an exile, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e02 The Search Part II, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 22:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12286020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis/pseuds/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: Loyal Son of Tain AUJulian deals with some emotional revelations in the wake of the Dominion Simulation.-He’d wanted to kiss Garak in that moment, but he’d held back, like he had at so many other points in their relationship. Outside of the privacy of the bedroom, they were just odd friends.





	Strange dream, that gives a dead man leave to think

Julian collapsed onto his couch, running his hand through his hair. It had all been a simulation. Of course it had been, the clues were there if he'd just been paying attention. But he hadn't noticed any of them, he'd been too distracted by Garak. That should have been his first clue. Garak’s behavior had been out of character. Not wildly so, but enough that someone who’d observed him like Julian had should have noticed.

 

 _But you didn't_ ** _want_** _to notice,_ his mind accused. _You were more than content with the facsimile that stood closer, smiled warmer, and spoke more fondly._

 

Julian groaned. His crush on the Cardassian had grown from a mere nuisance into a serious problem. And, worst of all, he knew he shouldn't act on it. Their relationship, such as it was, was already tricky enough. Then there was the matter of Garak also being some sort of spy and Julian’s own secret, which only served to complicate a complicated matter further.

 

_ Why couldn't I fall in love with someone less risky?  _ he thought. After a moment the thought actually registered and his head snapped up.  _ Love? Really? I'm that far gone already? _

 

He let out sigh. _I don't know why I'm surprised. Honestly, I think my parents must have had my heart enhanced along with my head and everything else. ‘Doctor, could you make sure our perfect freak son won't become the next Khan?’ ‘Of course, Mr. Bashir, now he'll just develop a crush on everyone he meets instead._ ** _That_** _will keep him from turning into a ruthless tyrant.’_

 

Julian shook his head and made his way to the replicator, ordering a Tarkalean tea, extra sweet. He should have noticed something was wrong from the moment Garak had approached him on the promenade. It wasn’t Garak’s presence that was unusual, the man had likely been dispatched to DS9 as soon as word of the Defiant’s mission reached Cardassia. No, it had been Garak’s warm greeting that should have triggered alarm bells.

 

_ “I’ve been genuinely concerned for your safety. When you didn’t return with Lt. Dax and Chief O’Brien… Well, lunch wouldn’t be the same without you.” _

 

While Julian felt fairly confident that Garak was quite fond of him and would be concerned about his safety, he knew better than to think the Cardassian would ever publicly express as much. For all that they had incredible sex, Garak still had his work and being too openly close to a member of Starfleet could compromise his position. Cardassian politics were ruthless, as Garak had reminded him many times. After all, that was the main reason why their arrangement involved so much secrecy.

 

_ “Is that your opinion or the opinion of the Cardassian Central Command?” _

 

_ “The former, I assure you. The Central Command is very much in favour of this treaty. Which, as far as I'm concerned, only justifies my fears.” _

 

Julian should have known when Garak was openly critical of the Cardassian government’s decisions regarding the Dominion. Certainly, he should have realized that something was wrong when Garak helped them break Sisko out of holding, but he’d been so thrilled to be properly working alongside Garak for once that he hadn’t noticed a thing. He’d been completely blinded by his affection.

 

_ “You mean no one told you? You see, I pretend to be their friend and then I shoot you.” _

 

He’d wanted to kiss Garak in that moment, but he’d held back, like he had at so many other points in their relationship. Outside of the privacy of the bedroom, they were just odd friends.

 

_ “Doctor, I’m afraid I won’t be able to have lunch with you today.” _

 

As he knelt by Garak’s side, watching the life fade from those eyes, he’d felt like his own life was over. He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d made it to the runabout. Either Jadzia or Sisko must have pulled him away because Julian hadn’t been capable of moving on his own.

 

_ “What about Garak?” _

 

_ “He’s not coming.” _

 

It wouldn’t have mattered in the simulation’s world anyway. He would have likely died whether he was in the runabout or with Garak’s corpse.

 

Then nothing mattered at all because it had all been an illusion.

 

Julian collapsed back onto his couch and began to nurse his tea. This whole situation had revealed that he was hopelessly in love with Garak. The question now was what Julian was going to do about it.

 

\--

 

Garak had left for Deep Space 9 as soon as word of the Defiant’s mission had reached Cardassia, but he’d only been on the station for a little over a day when word came that the exhausted crew had returned during the night. Garak waited until what seemed like a more than reasonable hour before stealthily making his way to Doctor Bashir’s quarters.

 

The main room was empty, but Julian soon emerged from his bedroom. He looked exhausted, but his face lit up as soon as he recognized his visitor.

 

“Garak…” he breathed, an incredibly fond smile on his face.

 

“You look almost happy to see me,” Garak teased with a wry smile of his own.

 

“Shut up,” Julian said. “Come here.” Of course, Julian was clearly too tired to engage in proper Cardassian flirting.

 

Garak crossed the room, took Julian in his arms, and pressed a passionate kiss to his lips, only to be pushed back by a light hand on his shoulder as Julian pulled away.

 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Julian raised a hand to cup Garak’s cheek, his thumb lightly stroking the ridge beneath Garak’s eye. “I just need to look at you for a moment.”

 

While Julian looked at Garak, Garak took the opportunity to examine him. He wore his pajamas and his hair was a mess. Additionally, he was leaning into Garak's support more than usual.

 

“Did I wake you?” Garak asked softly, brushing back a stray lock of Julian's hair.

 

Julian shook his head. “No, I...I couldn't sleep.”

 

Garak frowned and began to pull away. “My dear, you don't need to do anything on my account.”

 

“Don’t go!” Julian's eyes held genuine fear as his grip on Garak's shoulder tightened. “Don't go,” he repeated quietly.

 

“I won't,” Garak promised, running his hand down Julian's back in a motion that he hoped would be as soothing to humans as it was to Cardassians. “But you are in no fit state for our usual activities.”

 

Julian frowned, his hand dropping from Garak's face to nervously fiddle with the neckline of his pajama top. “I-I could...” he started hesitantly.

 

Garak covered Julian's trembling hand with his own. “No, my dear. It's alright. I'm not asking you to do anything. It's alright.” He pulled Julian close and held him for a bit, feeling Julian relax against him. Garak sighed as he ran a gentle hand through Julian's hair. He was emotionally compromised and he knew it. Julian Bashir was a weakness he could ill afford, but one he still craved regardless.

 

Once he felt that Julian had calmed, Garak spoke again. “Now, let's get you to bed.” Julian began to speak, but Garak quickly cut him off. “To sleep. My dear, you need to rest.”

 

Julian's exhaustion was evident in how he leaned heavily on Garak as the Cardassian guided him back to the bedroom. Garak lowered the young man onto the bed, then sat on the edge of the bed beside him. He carded a hand through Julian's hair as Julian leaned against his shoulder.

 

“Is there anything you need?” Garak asked gently.

 

“Mm,” Julian hummed. “Kukalaka.” He pointed vaguely to the other side of the bed. Garak glanced over and spotted a stuffed toy, one that, if his memory was correct, was usually on a shelf in the living room.

 

After placing a reassuring kiss to Julian's forehead, Garak stood and made his way around the bed to reach the toy. As he made his way back, Garak noticed that Julian's eyes were fixed on him and his breathing had started to speed up. He hurried back to Julian's side and handed over Kukalaka. Julian squeezed the toy to his chest and took a slow breath.

 

“Anything else?”

 

Julian hesitated, partially burying his face behind Kukalaka as he considered his options.

 

“Could you…hold me?” he asked tentatively. His eyes, wide and nervous, pleaded silently with Garak.

 

Garak blinked in surprise, not at the request for physical contact itself, but the tenderness and trust that Julian was extending to him. Garak's life was one of solitude and uneasy alliances, and while Julian still didn't know the full truth about his position or work, he knew enough that Garak wouldn't have blamed him for ending their affair. Yet here Julian was, looking to Garak for care and affection.

 

“Of course,” Garak answered. Julian's eyes sparkled with delight as he slid over to make room.

 

Garak slipped off his shoes and got into the bed, pressing his chest to Julian's back and wrapping his arms around the younger man's waist. Almost immediately he could feel Julian's breathing begin to even out and slow. After a few minutes, Garak was fairly certain that Julian had fallen asleep. He let himself indulge by cuddling Julian and his warmth for a few more minutes, justifying it to himself as wanting to make sure Julian was securely asleep before he left. Eventually though, his excuses ran out and Garak admitted to himself that he needed to leave.

 

Carefully, ever so carefully, Garak slid his arm out from underneath Julian's waist. But the instant he tried to pull his other arm away, Julian's arms wrapped tightly around it, keeping him trapped.

 

“Julian?” Garak asked quietly, unsure whether or not the man was still asleep.

 

“No, no, no,” Julian murmured desperately, clinging to Garak's arm even tighter. “Don't die.”

 

\--

 

Garak had managed to pull himself out of Julian’s clutches when the younger man’s dreams had shifted to something more pleasant and his grip had loosened, so he’d been able to poke around the station and learn something of what happened during the Defiant’s maiden voyage, though only the vaguest details. All of the Starfleet officers involved in the incident had the day off, and they had all made themselves scarce. Constable Odo was the only one who had been on the mission that Garak spotted on the promenade, and the constable certainly wasn’t going to volunteer anything to Garak.

 

This left Garak with nothing pressing to do, but he occupied himself, picking up interesting pieces of gossip here and there, until at last he went to the replimat for dinner. He carefully kept his expression neutral when he noticed Julian, in civilian clothes for once, heading over to join him.

 

“Hello, doctor,” he greeted, presenting the appropriate amount of friendliness for the public setting.

 

“Hello, Garak,” Julian returned, his lips quirked upward in a faint smile. He placed his tray on the table and slid into the empty seat. Garak let his eye linger on the purple and blue top’s asymmetrical neckline which showed just enough of Julian’s collarbone to tantalize, before returning his gaze to the younger man’s eyes.

 

“I'm surprised I didn't see you earlier,” Garak said casually. “Although I did have duties to attend to which kept me quite busy.” It was Garak's coded way of apologizing for leaving while Julian was still asleep, but it also served the additional purpose of guiding the conversation toward Julian's well-being and the Defiant’s mission.

 

Julian nodded absently as he quickly took another bite of his meal. “I'm sorry about that…” Garak smiled slightly. Julian had picked up on his double meaning and replied in-kind.

 

“Not at all.” Garak tilted his head graciously. Now came the delicate part, drawing out information that Julian wasn't necessarily willing to volunteer. “I understand you just had a difficult mission? You must be exhausted, not to mention a bit shaken.”

 

“I'm better now, got some sleep,” Julian said, shooting him a grateful look.

 

A rare genuine smile appeared on Garak's face. “I'm glad to hear it.” Julian smiled briefly before his eyes fell back to his plate where his fork was fiddling with the food. Garak’s expression turned concerned. “Are you alright, doctor?”

 

“Fine,” Julian answered with a dismissive sigh. “It's just...a lot of things happened on the mission…” He shrugged, quickly looking up to see Garak's expression before immediately looking back down.

 

“And you can't talk about it. I quite understand,” Garak reassured.

  
“No, not exactly. I...” Julian paused thoughtfully, his gaze returning to Garak's face. “Did you hear about the simulation we were forced through?”

  
“I did,” Garak answered evenly. He'd only managed to hear the very basics, but he'd heard about it.

 

Julian visibly shuddered. “It was... eerie.”

  
“I heard the Dominion took over in it. That can't have been good for your morale,” Garak joked lightly, trying to reassure and comfort Julian as best he could while they were in public. It didn't work. Julian's expression remained downcast.

  
“I watched people die,” he said softly. “...people I care about.” His eyes locked onto Garak’s like they were a lifeline.

 

“Someone important to you?” Garak asked cautiously. He'd known all along that it was too much to expect that he would be able to keep Julian all to himself, but he'd dared to allow himself a bit of hope.

  
“Very,” Julian said, solemn as an oath. His eyes were still locked with Garak's, and they were silently searching him for some kind of understanding.

 

“I see…” Garak said slowly, trying to decide how to play this new development. “You remember the rules of our arrangement?” Julian's eyes widened and he swallowed noticeably, but he nodded his head. Garak smiled. “Well, then there's nothing to worry about.”

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Act 1, Scene 5. While Romeo is exiled he has this dream shortly before learning of Juliet's apparent death.  
> "I dreamt my lady came and found me dead—  
> Strange dream, that gives a dead man leave to think—  
> And breathed such life with kisses in my lips  
> That I revived and was an emperor."


End file.
